The Truth About Envy… It’s Not that Bad

envyWhen the recent news broke that Kimye was expecting a child… I couldn’t help but think… what!?!?  I couldn’t believe that after a measly eight months of dating, that they were with child!  I couldn’t believe it then… And I can’t believe it now…

My thoughts kept lingering on the following: How could Kim get pregnant in such a short amount of time, when so many women try for years to get pregnant?

kimyeAs a side note, let me give you a little introduction as to why the Kardashians are even considered a part of the Sacred Journey to Ladyhood.  I am not the biggest pop-culture fan, but I have been obsessing over this family and there shenanigans, ever since Khloe got married.  Khloe, to me, represented the least attractive, heaviest, odd ball member of the family, in much the same way that I felt and continue to feel in my family.  I was so happy that she found a man that would accept her for being her and I just thought that she and Lamar made the cutest couple.  As a result, I have chosen to follow the family for entertainment purposes ever since.  Don’t be surprised if this is not the only discussion that we have regarding this amazing family.

Nonetheless, as the media is growing more and more interested in the creation of baby Kimye, I can’t help but to think of poor Khloe who has watched not one but two of her sisters get pregnant before her (Kourtney gave birth to baby Penelop in 2012).  Khloe, the only married sister (or the only one who is actively married) has been trying to conceive since she initially wed in 2009, to no avail.  My thoughts linger on the pain that Khloe must be suffering in watching her sisters get something that she has desired for so long.

khloe-kardashian-sadAnother side note… While the acknowledgement of feelings of envy towards her sisters pregnancy might be a socially unacceptable reaction, does that mean that envy isn’t present nonetheless?

Furthermore, is the envy that Khloe must be experiencing a bad thing?

If you have been following the sacred journey, you will have noticed that we have already established that there is a difference between envy and jealousy.  A quick recap, however, suggest that envy is where a person desires what another person has, but jealousy is where a person acts with malice and contempt towards another person because they have what that person wants.  Both scenarios suggest that a person wants what another person has, but jealousy occurs when a person responds negatively towards the other for having it.

My guess is that while Khloe admires both of her sisters as well as the babies that they have produced/are in the process of producing, she also wishes that she too could fall pregnant.  This makes her envious of their success.  But because of her love, admiration, and respect for her sisters, she would never mistreat or act malicious towards them for their successes, thereby prohibiting her ability to respond to her envy with jealous motives.

Does that mean that she doesn’t want to?

Of course not!  Being envious of someone is completely normal.  Furthermore, if a person has what you want, it is normal to desire what they have and maybe even somehow “hate” on them for having it. But true character is shown when you can refrain from responding in a negative manner through jealousy, while celebrating in their successes.  That is what Khloe is doing and she deserves an A+ for doing so!

khloe hugs kim

I know from personal experience as both the person who has accomplished success as well as the person who desires the success of someone else, responding with envy and refraining from jealous motives can be difficult, but is definitely the way to go.  Here is what I have learned that has helped me to restore balance and use the success of others who have met my goals to make me a better person.

  1. Authenticity – When negative feelings regarding the other person starts to arise, ask yourself, is the other person authentically responsible for these feelings, or are they present because this person has what you want?
  2. Stop focusing on the other person – Their success has nothing to do with your success and focusing on them is only a distraction.
  3. Focus on yourself – Anytime that you want something in life, you have to be totally committed in order to increase your chances of getting it.  Therefore, it is important to put yourself entirely first regarding whatever it is that you want, and stop thinking about the competition.  It’s just not worth it.
  4. Pray- Philippians 4: 6-7 reminds you of the importance of prayer as indicated by the following: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I believe that God will give you anything that you need, if you simply ask for it.  Hence instead of focusing your energy externally on other people, focus your energy on yourself and your relationship with God and watch your dreams come to life.

My hope is that one day Khloe, and all the other wishful mother-to-be’s, will soon enjoy the gift of motherhood.  But I pity those whose blessing will be stifled because of their jealous motives.  My challenge to you is to also be cautious of whether or not the challenges of jealousy are in the process of making their evil presence.  But, if and when these jealous motives begin to emerge, what are you going to do about it?

P.S. For those who are experiencing infertility, I have a message for you.  Whether you are being plagued with envy and/or jealousy, the pain of infertility is difficult, but there is help.  For ways to manage the emotional complications of infertility please visit here.  Good luck on your journey to motherhood!

Discipline, Happiness, Healthy Relationships, Infertility, Inspiration , , , , , ,


  1. Laurine

    I love it… My thoughts

    • ladyhoodjourney ladyhoodjourney

      Thank you Laurine! I”m glad that I have reflected your thoughts. Remember envy is just fine… but jealousy is a problem! Thanks again for your feedback!

  2. Bea

    When I heard the news that Kim K was pregnant I too couldn’t believe it. Seriously?
    I have been trying for about 9 months now so the news was a bit of a zinger. In the back of my mind I knew that after 35 it would be more difficult but I never realized the effort it takes to get pregnant!
    Your article is a fresh new way to look at the feelings that arise when dealing with infertility. You’ve got me thinking and I like that.

    • ladyhoodjourney ladyhoodjourney

      Hi Bea!
      I think that shocked the entire nation! It was just so unexpected. It was the best example that I could think of to describe the differences between envy and jealousy and I thought it would be useful. Good luck on your journey to TTC. It can be a difficult and daunting process… but I hear after the struggle, the blessing in return is worth it. Thanks for commenting and yes… Keep thinking :)

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