Assertiveness… What’s That?!?!


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A challenge that many women have is standing up for themselves.  A lot of this comes from the way in which we are socially constructed to be “submissive.”  As Christian women, many of us want to be sure to be slow to anger in the ways that we have been instructed by Psalm 37:8, Proverbs 14:29, and James 1:20.However, what many of us fail to realize is that while we are not supposed to fall victims to our anger, we are also not supposed to be a “push over.”  Deuteronomy 31:6, Isaiah 41:10, and Matthew 11:28, remind us that we should be depending on the Lord for all of our strength.  Hence, we should not fear man, nor allow man to walk all over us. While this may be easier said than done, many of us lack the fortitude to do the right thing when experiencing conflict because we don’t know how to.  Hence, I have prepared a user-friendly chart of ways to handle conflict, in hopes that you may learn the importance of understanding conflict resolution leading to your increased ability to be assertive.


Conflict Style




Responding to conflict utilizing force.

Name calling, threatening, physical violence, emotional violence


Refusing to respond to conflict.

Walking away when insulted, not making eye contact during conflict, crying in the presence of opposition


Not responding to conflict directly, but later doing something malicious to “get the person back.”

Instead of telling your mother that you don’t like being talked to a certain way, you call her names behind her back


Standing up for yourself while also being respectful of the other person.

When someone is insensitive to your feelings, and you respond with something like, “I would appreciate if you didn’t talk to me like that anymore.  Thank you.”

As you can see, being assertive is the most desired form of conflict resolution, because it includes respecting both parties.  As a Sacred Lady, this is the type of way that we should be striving to approach conflict.  I must admit, that it is not always an easy thing to do, but your relationships with others and your self-esteem is worth it.  As believers, never forget that when you are facing fear associated with change, you can always find comfort in Philippians 4:13 because it re-iterates that “All things are possible through Christ which strengthens me.”

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