Relationships are things that we all desire at some point in our lives. Yet, relationships are also amongst one of the most difficult experiences that we will ever encounter. Because relationships are highly sought after, yet difficult dynamics to experience, sometimes we may miss important clues that warn us that the one’s in which we participate in are unhealthy. Take a moment to read an excerpt from Sacred Journey to Ladyhood which demonstrates such an example, and then take the Healthy Relationship Quiz below.Sadly, another dysfunctional form of family conflict is present in the various types of abuse that exist. Elements of familial abuse include emotional, physical, and sexual abuse that can plague many families at any given time. Abuse, by definition, is considered any form of oppression based on a power and control dynamic. One may assume that this is clear and that everyone knows what abuse is, but within my practice, it is surprising to observe the amount of people who have experienced (or witnessed) some form of abuse and had no idea. During a meeting after a violent interaction with her husband, my client recently stated, “We are married. It [violence] happens!” I felt so sorry for this woman because she was being abused and had no idea. For the sake of clarity, I want to take advantage of this time to specify the different types of abuse that exist in order to bring awareness to this popular and under discussed phenomena for woman.
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP QUIZ
Each relationship is unique, but all healthy relationships have a few things in common. In a healthy relationship there should be trust, support, respect, equality, and it should be fun. Take the quiz below, and find out how healthy your relationship is!
Indicate who in your current relationship does the following things by marking one of the boxes to the right of each statement. You should put an X in either the Neither Person/One Person or Both People columns.
Neither Person or One Person
|Considers partner’s likes and dislikes when making plans|
|Shares things he/she likes about their partner|
|Supports partner in setting and meeting personal and school goals|
|Encourages partner to be the person they want to be|
|Comforts partner when upset, sad, frustrated, etc.|
|Asks for and listens to partner’s point of view (even when having a disagreement)|
|Respects partner’s need for alone time|
|Treats partner’s property/belongings well|
|Treats partner as an equal|
|Respects online privacy (Facebook, e-mail, text messages etc)|
|Respects decisions around sex|
|Okay with partner spending time with family and friends|
|Trusts that partner is being honest about his/her actions and activities|
|Cares if the other person has fun when going out|
|Communicates respectfully both publically and privately|
TOTAL: Count the number or X’s for the Both People column only.
How Did Your Relationship Score?
Score of 0-8: This relationship has room for improvement. A healthy relationship needs both people to contribute equally. A score between 0-8 indicates that the relationship is either one-sided or nobody’s trying very hard. This relationship might work with combined effort and commitment, but it may be time for a reality check for both partners. Does this relationship feel good to you?
Score of 8-12: Your relationship has potential but it might take a good amount of work. If this is a relationship that you and your partner want to continue to be in, you both need to pick a few areas to work on in order to make this a more healthy relationship. Make it a shared goal with your partner to increase the number of X’s in the Both People column.
Score of 12-16: You’re on track for a healthy relationship! Healthy relationships take time and effort and you are both definitely working at it. You have high levels of trust, support, fun, equality, and respect in your relationship. Both partners should keep up the good work in this relationship and remember that there is always room for improvement!
The Healthy Relationship Quiz was taken from the Boston Public Health Commission.